B1tch of the Yard: Down the Tyne


[Narrator]: One day B1tch was waiting at the junction when Cuntphilly shuffled in with some trucks [Cuntphilly]: *Huffing and panting* I was at Ann Summers the other day, *gasp* they had candy G-strings, *hhhh* It’s so bad! [B1tch]: Phwah! What’s that smell, eh? Rather strong, innit? Can you smell a smell? [B1tch’s driver]: I can’t smell a smell [B1tch]: It’s a funny, musty sort ‘a smell [Cuntphilly]: Well no one noticed it ’til you did, you slutty Eastender Must be yours [B1tch]: Driver, d’ you know what I think it is? It’s DONG WA’ER- It’s… Bitch wa’er [Narrator]: Before Cuntphilly could answer, the slutty Thompson puffed away like a bitch [B1tch]: *Pissing on the points and ranting* [Cuntphilly]: Did- Did she just fucking piss on the points? [B1tch]: …Disgusting! [Narrator]: B1tch’s driver could hardly believe his ears [B1tch’s driver]: Fucking hell, you’re a rude cunt. I wanted to drive Cuntphilly on top-link expressos, but instead I’m stuck with you! [B1tch]: Ah, shut up you ‘amsta [B1tch’s driver]: Why is it I get posted to this engine? [B1tch]: That was funny, what a stupid ol’ cunt! *Laughing* [Narrator]: B1tch felt *very* pleased with herself Her driver on the other hand was deeply shocked. He held great respect for the Castle [B1tch’s driver]: *Cries like a little baby* [Narrator]: B1tch left her train in the sidings and went off to the Tyne for some trucks Long ago Geordies looking for vowels had made speeches above the ground The rails were harmonically affected and were strong enough to hold up trucks but not the weight of The Tram Controller A large notice warned people not to enter the area “Danger: Engines must not pass this board” [B1tch]: That sign won’t stop me! ‘Cause I can’t fuckin’ read! [Narrator]: B1tch was illiterate and tried to pass the board many times. She had not succeeded. However today she made a plan [B1tch]: I’d like a good curry right about now… I’ll go ask Driver OH, DRIVER! [Narrator]: Bumping the trucks fiercely, she jerked her driver off the footplate and followed them into a siding [B1tch’s driver]: Come back! We’re having a Vindaloo! [B1tch]: Oh, cinders and asses! I’m in the fuckin’ Tyne! [Narrator]: And she was [B1tch]: Awww, fack. I’m so horny [The XBox Controller]: And a very daft cunt, too [B1tch]: Oh fuck, it’s Daddy [The XBox Controller]: I saw you, Didn’t you pay attention at Nunney’s Sunday School? [B1tch]: Please, Daddy get me out, I won’t be much of a cunt again [The XBox Controller]: I’m not sure. We can’t lift you out with a crane. Your breasticles aren’t firm enough [B1tch]: OI! [The XBox Controller]: Hmm. Let me see Ah! I wonder if Cuntphilly could PULL you out [B1tch]: Alright, Daddy [Narrator]: But B1tch didn’t want to see that old fart just yet [Cuntphilly]: *Laughing* Down the fucking Tyne is she? Bloody hell what a vegetable! What a fucking laugh! Fucking goose, has thrown herself in the fucking Tyne! Good Lord! Don’t worry you little tart I’m coming for you *Laughing* *Motherfucking JoJo reference* [Narrator]: Since the Xbox controller had run out of money again. There was no strong cable So some trucks were coupled between the two engines instead. [The XBox Controller]: Are you ready? [Cuntphilly]: No [Narrator]: That’ll do HEAVE [Cuntplilly]: *Grunts in effort* OH FUCK! FUCK! LORD LOVE A FUCKING DUCK! [Narrator]: Cuntphilly disappeared into a cloud of steam Her driver went and checked her carefully [Cuntphilly’s driver]: Oh shit son, you’ve got hemorrhoids, Cuntphilly Giant one swinging out your ashpan, you must be getting too old for this kind of work [Cuntphilly]: Oh Jesus lordy, it feels like I bust something like Parliament did Section 28! [The XBox Controller]: I’ll have to get Bitchford [Bitchford]: Oh dear, you poor saggy twat features Leave the real hauling to a slut with some SPRING in her thrust *Clearing throat* [Cuntphilly]: Oh it’s just a shame you don’t have “it”. Dear. [Bitchford]: Excuse-fucking-you I have more than you do, you cunt! [The XBox Controller]: Are you ready? HEAVE! [Bitchford]: *Grunting in effort* OH SHIT. FUCK FUCK FUCK HELP, I’VE GONE AND FUCKING PULLED SOMETHING! [Bitchford’s driver, who isn’t the same one from the Halloween special]: You’ve gone and broken your lines, old girl They’re all exposed and loose [Bitchford]: Ahn~ *pop* darling… [Pendennis]: Stop it, that’s that’s gay. See? I do have a normal voice Do have it, it’s right there Don’t need that stupid accent now being kicked out of the army. HAHA [The XBox Controller]: Fucking Hell! This is worse than ET on the Atari 2600 I’ll have to reach in to my overdraft and call the cavalry [B1tch]: Aw fuck, I’m gonna get ass raided! I just hope they don’t set off me chocolate log cannon! [Narrator]: At last King Edward and some cunt we don’t care about arrived Or alternatively, “at last Lizzie and some knackered cunt we don’t care about arrived” [Edward]: Here we are. Tally Bally Ho Old Chaps! [Lizzie]: *Burp* [Edward]: Oh God, Elizabeth, that’s disgusting! [Lizzie]: *Burp* [Edward]: I didn’t say do it again! [Lizzie]: *Burp* [Edward]: Stop that! [Lizzie]: *Tiny burp* [Edward]: Are you challenging me, Mortal? [Lizzie]: *Laughing* No, shut up [Edward]: Oh, you’re going to, you started it, I’m going to finish it… [Narrator]: At last they will all coupled up together and ready to take the strain [The XBox Controller]: *Sigh* Yeah yeah. 10, 9, 8, and all that. [Cuntphilly, Bitchford, Edward, Lizzie]: *Heavy grunting* [Cuntphilly]: PULL EDDIE DARLING OH GOD ARRRHHHH- [Bitchford]: OH GOD. GOD YES, HARDER HARDER! I LOVE THIS! [Lizzie]: SHUT THE FUCK UP! SHIT, SHIT, SHIT! [Narrator]: I was a lot harder than they thought, But with much splooging and moaning, B1tch was finally free [B1tch]: Took yer fackin’ time, didn’t you? [Cuntphilly]: How ungrateful, I’m never lending my 2,000 horsepower to YOU ever again [Edward]: More like 1,500, now [Cuntphilly]: Ex-fucking-cuse me? [The XBox Controller]: Right, shut up you two, and get back to work I need my fucking overdraft back, and I want no tales or happenings in the red-light district this time. [B1tch]: Rude! [Cuntphilly]: Uncouth! *BURP* [Narrator]: And so buffer to buffer, Cuntphilly the Castle and B1tch the B1 puffed home Subtitles by Dean; the Maddened Lamp

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100 thoughts on “B1tch of the Yard: Down the Tyne

  1. I didn't think this would come out so quickly, glad this episode did. Though I didn't understand what broke in Bitchford when she was trying to pull B1tch out.

  2. And that’s another episode where Lizzie The GWR 4300 Mogul doesn’t appear.
    (That’s another chance for me to get a OO scale GWR 4300 and write a story where Lizzie The GWR Mogul now has a new lease of life on a “different” Railway)

  3. I was wondering out of curiosity, where do you get your models? Is Bitch, Bitchford, Cuntphilly, etc… custom?

    I've also been trying to figure out how to get the war assets to work so that I can have railguns, and etc… rolling down my lines.

    Also, is this Railworks or Train Simulator?

    Keep up the good work! I'm a new subscriber and am enjoying the content SO much. X3

  4. 7:06 You sure? Because I have played that game and it was one of the worst gaming experiences I have ever had. (Wasted £5 on that)

  5. Why has it taken me so long to realise shes called "B1tch" because shes a B1, I thought it was an anti zucc measure lol

  6. If I was to have a penny for every time you made the dialogue hilarious, I would have £6.67…

    Your good at this Lawl.

  7. For the next one, please do one like Thomas Saves The Day.

    "The cranes are for lifting heavy things like engines, and coaches, and trucks, and the X-Box controller."

  8. Wait one of your characters is named Bitch? I know its B1tch spelling, but you pronounce it bitch. Am I the only one who sees a problem with that?

  9. That has got to be a new record, next episode came out after the last one two weeks ago. Didn't see that coming. Still, great work, guys.

  10. I have made a b1tch of th yard amino , would you aprove if it became the real one?, please give it a review http://aminoapps.com/p/a95wkh

  11. The XBox Controller: "Fucking Hell! This is worse than ET on the Atari 2600".
    Desert Bus, and Big Rigs: Over The Road Racing have entered the chat

  12. 2:59 Oh no…
    An illiterate engine and her bankrupt controller!!! I like the title of this episode. Seeing how there are countless tugs and ships built on the Tyne, it's sensational to see you use an actual location!!!!

  13. Industrial NOOOOOOOOO0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000dZZZzZzZzZzZ

  14. A final hurrah to this “show” until YouTube’s new policy and rules came into view and thus IronLawl is forced to turn from a subscriber favourite show into a G rated family show.

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