B1tch of the Yard: B1tch and Bitchford’s Missing Christmas N00ds


[Model Bitchford]: Hello there, CUNTS. Before we start, a word from Lance Corporal Churchward. [Lizzie]: Evening ladies and germs, Lizzie the 4300 here. I’m sure at this point there’s been a fair few of you that have seen my… Drug-induced escapade in the previous episode of B1tch of the Yard. It’s kind of funny, actually, For most of us. *Shudder* But for something that’s not so funny, it’s actually very serious. It’s the idea that anybody involved in the production of B1tch of the Yard supports or endorses that kind of behaviour. We don’t. It’s bloody disgusting. So I’m here to address the issue of double standards. “How am I gonna do that?” you may ask. Through one simple question: Would you thirsty cunts find it as hot and/or funny if it was a male engine with a raging hardon chasing Caitlin or Dutchess up and down the line? Somebody will be calling the police on your arses, wouldn’t they? Yeah, Good day, everyone! [Police 47]: Uwu uwu uwu uwu *Skrrrrt* [Edward]: That’s her officer, That’s the one who put the apricot in my bum! You’re under awwest. [Lizzie]: Ohh, FUCK. Cue the music. [Narrator]: If someday you should see Bitchford Hall puffing happily along the line, She may be on the Devon Scot all the way to Carlisle. One December morning Bitchford farted at all her friends. [Bitchford]: It’s nearly Christmas, And I’ll bring you lots of naughty magazines. [Edward]: OH GOD, IT SMELLS LIKE CAMEMBERT! [Narrator]: But a week later the snow storms came. The country was covered with thick snow. /EXTRA THICC/ The engines found work difficult. Some had to help clear the snow from the track, And workmen hacked away at the frozen banks of ice. Bitchford and B1tch were collecting important things for Christmas. [Bitchford]: Driver says there’s lots of drugs for Scotland. I’ll need extra wagons for it all [Narrator]: B1tch was feeling left out. [B1tch]: It’s not fair, you’re not leaving any coke for me! [Bitchford]: Not to worry my dear, I’ll leave you some Pepsi instead. [B1tch]: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU- [Narrator]: But B1tch’s chance had come. there’s been a change of plan the Xbox controller needs us at the big station [Bitchford’s driver]: There’s been a change of plan. The XBox Controller needs us at the Big Station. B1tch, you are to take Bitchford’s train to Scotland. [Bitchford]: Fuck. [Narrator]: B1tch was delighted, But Bitchford felt blueballed. [B1tch]: Don’t worry, I’ll do it for ya. [Bitchford]: It’s not the same, You’re as flat as Louise’s singing. [B1tch]: Piss off ye cunt, I was being nice to ya! [Louise]: And you’re fatter than fucking broad gauge, you filthy SLUT! [Narrator]: The XBox Controller was waiting impatiently for Bitchford. [The XBox Controller]: Quickly now, A fresh load of Industrial N00dz has arrived. I want you to fetch them Bitchford, Cuntphilly can look after the expresso until you get back. [Bitchford]: Will I return in time? I have a dinner date with Fitter. [The XBox Controller]: We’ll see. [Bitchford]: Well I hope so. That turkey won’t be the only thing getting stuffed tonight!~ [Hercule]: Brunell’s britches, Bitchford, keep it between your frames! [Narrator]: She packed away her lewd thoughts and steamed out to pick up the n00dz. [Bitchford]: Hello there! [Laura]: Afternoon, Miss Hall! [Narrator]: Bitchford soon picked up the n00dz safely, But large snow drifts lay ahead. [Bitchford]: Bollocks. I musn’t be late, The XBox controller is relying on me! [Narrator]: Farting bravely, she tried to move, But there was worse to come. [Bitchford]: Shit! [Narrator]: Poor Bitchford was snowed under! Meanwhile, the other engines waited and waited. They were grumbling about Bitchford being late. [The Xbox Controller]: Silence! [Narrator]: Said the Xbox Controller. [The Xbox Controller]: Bitchford left the yard safely, But snow has brought the telephone lines down. We must assume that she is stranded. [Narrator]: The engines now felt sorry for Bitchford, And cold but confident, Cuntphilly and Laura set off to the rescue. [Cuntphilly]: Come on, lets get that whorish Hall unstuck. [Laura]: Coming, Miss Castle! I’ll get the snowplow! [Narrator]: Meanwhile, B1tch was making good time on her way across the border, When suddenly. [B1tch]: What the fuck is that? [Narrator]: There ahead was Prince Philip on the line! He was holding a red lamp. [B1tch]: Your Royal ‘ighness! Whatever are you doin’ here? I thought you were a signalman back at 83A. [Philip]: Oh, I- I am many things my child. Yes. Anyway, the station it has been overrun by the communists! We-we need the snowplows, the workmen and the army. Leave your drugs in the siding and go back quickly. [Narrator]: B1tch was soon steaming back to Carlisle. [B1tch]: Wake up, you lazy bastards. Dumfries has been invaded. [Lawl]: Sod off you bitch, I’m tired and underpaid. [B1tch]: Bu- but Bitchford’s also stuck nearby, You’re not lustin’ for ‘er? [Lawl]: For fuck’s sake get someone else. The Black Watch are on standby anyway. I’m trying to fucking sleep. [B1tch]: I’ll give ya a quick succ after the party then. [Lawl]: Well why didn’t you say so, B1tch? There’s no time to lose! Quick! Delilah, get the craAAaAane! [B1tch]: Right, What next? [Narrator]: Suddenly there was Cuntphilly and Laura with the works train. [Cuntphilly]: Come on B1tch, We have a fartbag to save and communists to shoot! [Narrator]: At last they reached the village, And the Royal Artillery were soon shelling the enemy positions. The Royal Air Force were overhead busy dropping timed fuse bombs on the enemy. Soon the enemy would driven from Dumfries and the villagers cheered. {Captioner’s note: Hello there, Hitler.} [B1tch]: Cuntphilly, what’s a “Santa Claus”? [Cuntphilly]: How do you not know this you uneducated pleb? Santa Claus is that red bloke who drops presents down chimneys. [B1tch]: Oooohhhh. I wonder if- [Cuntphilly]: NO, you daft twat! Chimneys, not bloody funnels! [B1tch]: ‘ang on, These ARE chimneys. Funnels belong on ships. [Cuntphilly]: No, STACKS are on ships. Which reminds me, Your shipment of drugs are still back in the siding. [B1tch]: FACK, I forgot about ’em. You carry on searching for Bitchford then. [Narrator]: B1tch hurried back to the sidings and the works train carried on into the snow. The weather soon turned for the worse, But the engines pressed on. But the engines pressed on.
[Laura]: Miss Castle, I’m cold. [Cuntphilly[: So am I, My tits are freezing off! Where’s King Edward when you need him most? [Narrator]: Soon they came to a blockage that was bigger than the rest. [Bitchford]: *Muffled shouting for help* [Laura]: Miss Castle, I think I can hear something. [Cuntphilly]: Probably the wind, my dear. [Laura]: No, listen, it’s definitely not the wind. [Bitchford]: *Fart* No, I’m over here for fuck’s sake! [Laura]: Okay, now that was the wind. [Bitchford]: For fuck’s sake, I’m over here Can’t you see the fucking brake van, you retarded slut?! Fuck me! *muffled ranting* [Cuntphilly]: Oh Jesus Christ, It’s Jason Bourne!- Oh, Jesus Christ, it’s Bitchford! [Laura]: Don’t worry Miss Hall, We’ll get you out. [Narrator]: When the workmen arrived, it took them some time to decide how to dig away the heavy drifts of snow. Bitchford’s driver and fireman, who were playing Monopoly in the cab, joined the rescue. [Bitchford’s driver]: Hah! Mayfair’s mine, you bastard. [Bitchford’s fireman]: Bugger. [Narrator]: At last, Bitchford and the precious n00dz were free from the snowdrift. [Bitchford]: Took your time, didn’t you? [Cuntphilly]: Yes. [Laura]: I want hot chocolate, ooOOOooh [Cuntphilly]: I want hot chocolate served by Fitter~ [Bitchford]: Fuck off, he’s mine! [Narrator]: Then they set off once more to finish their long journey. Soon they arrived back at the yards, and the XBox controller greeted them warmly. [The XBox Controller]: As a reward for all your hard work, you may go and enjoy these free clubbing discount coupons tonight. Be quick now. King Edward and Corfe have just come off the Express. [Corfé]: IT’S CORFÉ! [Edward]: Oh bollocks, it’s the thot brigade! Corfé, you can take these revolting ladies, I have prior engagements. [Corfé]: Oh, Don’t mind if I do! *Chuckling* /SEDUCE ME/ [Narrator]: At the big station all was soon ready. [The XBox Controller]: One! Two! Three! And as if by magic. [Bitchford]: COCK! [The XBox Controller]: I appear to have lost my trousers. [Narrator]: Suddenly there was a strange whirring sound. Bitchford and Cuntphilly were horrified, They knew who it was. With landing lights shining brightly, Chris Hansen the helicopter touched down gently in the snow. Bringing the greatest surprise of all: The Welsh Fireman. Everyone cheered and the party began. [Edward]: … Stay away from me you moist Autobutt, I’m a married engine for fuck’s sake! [Louise]: *Giggling* [Lawl]: So uh, You- you said you would give me the succ. [B1tch]: My vac pipe burst, no can do. [Lawl]: *Crying* [Cuntphilly]: There there, I could at least give you a cuddle. [Lawl]: Awww? [Cuntphilly]: I meant a metaphorical cuddle, Sergeant Major. [Lawl]: *Cries harder* No one wants meeee! [Edward]: OH GOD, IT SMELLS LIKE- Oof, Lawl, That was really big cuck, you suck face. [Laura]: Mmmm, yummy hot chocolate. OOH! An extra marshmallow, too! [Narrator]: A few hours later, the engines were in deep post-coital pleasure and were tucked away in their sheds All except Louise. The villagers had made a plan to thank the engines. They loaded her hitachis and rabbits in to Louise’s train and she set off through the moonlit countryside. The engines were fast asleep in the sheds as Louise slid silently into the yards. *NOT SO SILENT SLIDING* [The Ghost of Robbie Rotten]: No! Don’t touch that! [Narrator]: She had no idea what the villagers were going to do, but she knew it’d be a big surprise. [Louise]: I do hope they enjoy my latest issue of Industrial N00dz. I had to go all the way to Mount Ash Colliery. My coupling look hasn’t been the same since. [Narrator]: When the engines woke next morning, they could hardly believe their eyes. The sheds had been repainted and decorated. Toys and blowup Fitter dolls and anime tiddies lay everywhere! The engines whistled in delight and everyone agreed that this was a really happy Christmas. [Bitchford]: Merry Christmas, all you horny bastards! Subtitles by Dean; the Maddened Lamp

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100 thoughts on “B1tch of the Yard: B1tch and Bitchford’s Missing Christmas N00ds

  1. "Merry Christmas you horny bastards!"

    This series really speaks to me.

    Also never mind the references, that 3D Bitchford face looks stunning.

  2. this a interesting christmas episode i mite have said some nasty stuff to you all i only said this as i felt that you were taking the innocence out of the newton abbot characters with the creation of this series and i am very sorry about what i have said i do like lizzie's speech and the new character luara the small pearie.

  3. "You're fatter than broad gauge", my fine fellows and fellasses you never fail to disappoint with my daily dose of humour

  4. Well,
    We have a team of sentient trains pulling a crane playing "It's a long way to Tipperary" while on a quest to defeat Communists, find a fart bag, and save Christmas.
    My God, I love the Internet!

  5. Havent laughed this much in a long while! Loved it guys! 😀 I laughed so hard when the Welsh Fireman came out of the Helicopter 😛

  6. I think you should add another 4300 called Rory with and West Country accent that’s introduced in Newton Abbott sage 👍

  7. So many jokes, so little time…
    "E X T R A T H I C C"
    "Seduce me!"
    Somehow the idea of a chronically depressed 7F is funny to me.
    Sooo… Does Black Watch have an overly hyped and dying brother? Over Watch?
    So the Western region IS fulla commies?!
    Industrial nudes… So the J94s and Pecketts are the models? I'd say that's my proudest fap.
    NO DON'T TOUCH THAT!
    So are the A4s the fuccbois of the British Isles?
    Are Bulleids considered more fat than Halls?
    Don't all male engines technically have a third cylinder?

  8. Why does That perveted hornby locomotive & the other engines call the viewers that horrible name?

  9. 1:44
    @IronLawl
    When you look at the Police Diesel (who I shall nickname Bertram the fourth of kickingtons) it looks like he’s frowning
    Don’t you think?

  10. how is this series so good?! I think it`s all the good voice acting and BC doing a ton of voices at once lol

  11. 13:50 The first song is Rory O'More, and what is hilarious is that it's about a chap who does what Lizzie did in the last episode lol. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mpKQod7MXLo

  12. How did you guys make the Bitchford model in the beginning? I think I like it better then the original Pitchford hall haha

  13. So their some where in Scotland and around the future, because they mentioned going to Scotland and in an earlier episode there was a…um…….d1ldo

  14. Industrial nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooodddddddddddddddds………

  15. Industrial nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd ddddddddddddddddddddddddddddds

  16. 6:48 No, not… THE COMMUNISTS!!!!! Does anybody know what class Lawl (The locomotive who will be forever alone and a virgin) and Corfe belong too? And the police diesel. I'm not sure what class he is.

  17. i was on your twiter and B1tch is THOT as well men and where cen i buy thad Version of playtrain with B1tch?

  18. Best part of episode 7:23 "QUICK , DELILAH GET THE CRAaaaAAaaaaaN!" basicly the episode before delilah runs away or something

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